I am dramatic by nature. I've always had an inner narrator, describing the goings on in my life as if it were a novel or film. It's one of the reasons I'm an English major- I make sense of the world with story; with metaphor.
Ironically, just as I've started this blog, this attempt to help people out of depression, I've sunk back into it myself. Today as my inner narrator was trying to make sense of this state, all I knew was that I felt tired. So tired.
To find a way out of depression, I try to visualize it. I try to describe it to myself in a way that helps me realize that the depression isn't the reality. Today I'm making sense of it by imagining the ocean.
The ocean is vast. It's dark. It's salty. I have been treading the waters of the ocean, keeping my head afloat, staying in a place where I can breathe. Every kick of my feet is a new practice, every swish of my arms is a session of therapy. I'm beating away at the water, trying to stay above it.
But you can only tread water for so long. You can only fight until your limbs are too tired. The truth is that you will eventually sink.
Thankfully, this isn't the real ocean and I'm not really drowning. So I'll contact my therapist (An amazing woman I connected with through Talkspace- more on that soon) and I'll do some yoga and meditate. I'll snuggle my girls and eat my favorite chili and hopefully my head will bob back up in a day or two.
I wanted my second post to be part of my story but if this is going to be a place of honesty, the honest truth is that I'm back under water. But I believe I'll come up for air again soon.